My husband and I walked a few blocks to the Oriental Theater to see the premier of Mira Nair's Monsoon Wedding. The evening was cold but not freezing; we bundled up in sheepskins and gloves. Hard to believe it was the second day of spring 2002. The Oriental, a lovely 1920s movie hall with red velvet drapes, six huge golden Buddhas nestled in their niches, and an organ recital before the show, was almost full. The moviegoers taking their seats for this tale of a wedding in a business class Punjabi Indian family were the usual East Side Milwaukee bourgeois bohemians.

Culturally-split personality that I am, at times I watched this movie with Indian eyes, at times with western eyes.

Watching with Punjabi Indian eyes, I felt there was no acting going on at all. It's culturally up-to-date, complete with crazy cell phone interruptions, Hinglish, the family links to Australia and America, and the IIT fellow thinking he's going to get a sati savitri from Delhi - ha!

Watching with western eyes, I think it may change American perceptions of India and Indian women - hurray for that. For instance, the perception that every modern Indian woman who agrees to an arranged marriage is a passive thing led to the altar and handed over from one man (father) to the husband. The bride-to-be in Monsoon Wedding was out for "the good life" as many young women everywhere are and she recognized that the arranged marriage is the best means men have yet invented to effect business mergers and cement relationships. Speaking of Western eyes -- my blue-eyed husband had a little of the usual problem Americans have in dealing with Indian material - too many characters to keep track of. Can't be helped -- such is life when you live among a billion people. He would like to see it again, at home on DVD, though.

Halfway into Monsoon Wedding I forgave Mira Nair for perpetrating the visually gorgeous but narratively-challenged Kamasutra, as the script writer began weaving the narrative threads of this story into a cohesive whole.

I expect a good film (or book) to present situations that make viewers (or readers) discuss it. And to really engage with it: move from a discussion of the movie and its plot to question real life and explore parallel universes. Monsoon Wedding had some incredibles that seemed more a product of wishful thinking than of cultural reality -- a little incredible that an Indian man would agree to accept a non-virgin woman...the bridegroom wasn't raised in the USA. Coming out of IIT and spending only 4 years in the USA, it's possible he's only seen the inside of a computer screen all the time he was in America. People in the movie hall erupted in rueful "ouches" when he said lines to the effect - what did you think [you'd get married to a guy from America so] you'd fit right in? It was also incredible that the father broke a family friendship built on generosity after Partition -- those relationships are debts for seven generations. (Why seven? I have no idea). And for a niece, adopted daughter though she may be? Really think an Indian father would do that? Hmmmm.

The writer in me wanted to escalate the conflict, replot -- tut, tut, Shauna!. For instance, the conflict would have been real tamasha if a "girl", to use the Indian-English terminology, actually walked out of her wedding at the last minute. Do any of us know a girl who has? The sheer money and debt and social loss of face would cause women I know (American, Canadian or Indian) to go through with the wedding and get divorced a week later...And what if in fact the father had stood by the family friendship despite the revelation of betrayal, the plot would have to cover years and years and years of Punjabis not talking to one another, sulking, talking in barbed innuendos...which would make it absolutely perfectly credible, but what an awfully boring film that would be. So the movie was true to character if not societal mirroring.

My cousin, who lives in Delhi and is visiting the USA just saw the movie yesterday. She says I'm too cynical, that parents do stand up for their daughters these days. Too bad it's a little late for all the daughters over the years who have been told to shut up and be quiet. But the movie did demonstrate the possibility, an alternative way to imagine the outcome of conflict. That may be its strength over time. So here's to director and producer Mira Nair for providing plot alternatives to reality.

Afterwards, the Dancing Ganesha restaurant was offering a small taste of India -- hot gulabjamuns at 2 for $3 on styrofoam plates. We emerged -- from the warmth of the Oriental Theatre into the chilly midwestern night and with rosewater sweetness melting on my tongue, my Punjabi self agreed with Mira Nair's final epigram - "we are like that only."

-- Shauna Singh Baldwin

I loved the movie Monsoon Wedding as much as you did. Like you I'm an Indian who lives in N. America. Yeah, it was unrealistic that the Naseeruddin Shah character broke ties with a long-time family friend, but I'm fine with movies that show alternatives to what typically happens. (Because people do break out of stereotypes under pressure when their own sense of integrity demands it). What would have been truly unrealistic is if it had been a blood relative (brother or cousin) instead of a close family friend. I don't know if Indian society has reached a point where someone will break ties with a brother over a sexual abuse issue. What do you all think?

As for the bridegroom's acceptance of the bride, I don't think he was the typical IIT graduate with 4 years experience in the US that you were referring to --look at his social background in Delhi. It's -- --plausible that he learned a little something about the dating scene in India before he went to the US and was therefore was able to get over his initial knee-jerk reaction and accept her. And he too was breaking out of the mold because his sense of integrity demanded it - his heart had been broken and there was no difference between what he had felt and what she was feeling now. I realize that you and I are both stereotyping IIT-graduate USA-returns but I think that who you're referring to is someone who comes from a MUCH more protected & traditional background -- possibly the type I've met here time and time again who absolutely refuse to believe that women in India even date because they simply haven't witnessed it themselves in India. Nothing in their experience would cause them to even imagine it and they are more the kind who would go back to India, get an arranged marriage, be filled with shock and horror that their fiancee has an ex-boyfriend, and end it right there.

-- Mona Oommen

I could not believe this movie won an award. For what? As a bollywood movie, this theme has been done. The wedding, the westernized family hoopla, the servant class love affair, the desi-NRI thing. And done better. The acting was good but Nasaruddin Shah never fails to deliver so what's not to like? There was no depth to characterization, it was full of silly stereotypes. I agree though it was fun to watch. Award? Nah.

-- Champa Bilwakesh

I was hesitant to go see the film. I had been disappointed with her last few films, mostly because I began to feel that she took up "hot button topics," and then refused to push the envelope on them. When my friends and I left the film, we were stunned that contrary to what we had been led to expect by the reviews and even the official website of the film, there had a great deal of importance given to the story of Ria and her confrontation of Tej, as any of the other stories, and we in fact thought the film hinged on it. Why then this stunning silence everywhere? Why was no one willing to name it?

Over the next few weeks, I followed discussions about the film in several of the US based South Asian listservs that I belong to. The LGBT listserv talked at length about the younger brother, "a queer in the making," and Mira Nair's courage in addressing this issue.; the very liberal women's listserv talked ad infinitum, ad nauseam about Indian men and whether they would be willing to marry "non-virgins." No one, nowhere mentioned the story of Ria, or of Aliya, or seemingly found this part of the film disturbing, painful, or even "worthy" of mention or discussion. The silence was getting louder.

[Excerpted here with permission. Her complete article can be found at www.shaktiproductions.net which also has discussions on the issue of incestual sexual abuse.]

-- Sivagami Subbaraman

Re. 'Monsoon Wedding', and all the discussions about the IIT chap's reaction, frankly, I didn't see it as his anger at a non-virgin bride. I THOUGHT that he was reacting to the fact that she was STILL sleeping with her erstwhile boyfriend (isn't that what he said?). And frankly, who wouldn't be incensed about that? You might be able to accept the prospective bride having had a physical affair (or 10) before marriage, but most men in even the most 'progressive' society would throw a fit if they found the physical affair continuing to 2 days before the wedding! Given that, I found his subsequent 'acceptance' almost too good to be true!

-- Bisakha Sen

I was left wondering what MW had got an award for. I thought Kama Sutra was bad -- this is worse. There are just too many characters, no well-defined script, and just a hodge-podge of happennings. It wasn't even a tougue-in-cheek statement of the Indian arranged marriage scene -- because Mira Nair was so earnest. One could have forgiven the poor technicalities of the film had it had more substance. Also, it doesn't depict the typical middle or even upper-middle class Indian family. How many people in Delhi live in houses with acres of lawns like the one in the movie? Some super rich ones in New Friends Colony, maybe. And how many people drive Opel Astras -- most middle and upper-middle class folks -- drive Maruti Suzukis. And all that abusing and sexual innuendos was so uncalled for. Why would an educated upper class man like Lalit Varma keep calling his wife's nephew "Idiot" and the "tambuwala" all kind of incestuous names? The film is such an artificial depiction of Delhi society that it did not even bring the lump of nostalgia that movies depicting India normally do. It wasn't even fun to watch.

In contrast I think Lagaan deservedly got the Oscar nomination rather than Monsoon Wedding. At least it is honest Bollywood entertainment and does not pretend to be pretentious like MW.

After Kama Sutra and MW, I'm getting the feeling that Mira Nair has lost her touch. In 1995 Mira Nair made an obscure film called "The Perez Family" about Cuban immigrants to the US. Although it made no waves, I found it an excellently made film.

-- Shipra Mandal

Monsoon Wedding touched my heart. I took out the "pirate copy" from the Indian store so many times already that the guy who works there says to me... "Monsoon Wedding, again? Why dont you just buy it?" I guess I will wait when the real copy comes out :) I liked how it was realistic and even serious issues were not dramaticized. The actors and actresses looked like real people, not Bollywood cut-outs. I especially liked the simple romance between "Alice" and "Dubey". Does anyone know if this was shot on video? It had a very interesting look and I cant figure out how Mira Nair did it. --Devalina

Just saw this movie last night with a couple of friends. Loved it.

I especially liked the powerful way that the sexual abuse storyline was presented. It was done on a very human scale - the conflicts each person has, and the sense of betrayal. I was disturbed (but found rather accurate), that a woman says "for something so small..." It is not something small, and I am glad that the movie put it out there for us to look at in full view, within the family context.

May we have the courage to look at situations like this with clarity and defend our children. "Even from ourselves" to paraphrase N.Shah.

-- Elizabeth Abraham

I just saw Monsoon Wedding a couple of times and really loved the movie. The character of Dubey I guess portrays what modern day India is like and boy, has it changed since I left the country 5 years ago. It shows us how much technology has touched the common man - the cell phone, digital watch, emails etc. I found his character really wonderful.

Regarding the subject of child sexual abuse, there are a couple of points I found a little disturbing. The parents of the little girl Aaliya and Ria's mother do not seem to show much reaction to the fact that their children have been abused by a senior, 'respected' member of the family. I got the feeling that if Naseeruddin Shah had not taken the stand to kick is brother-in-law out, the rest of the family would have just kept quiet about the whole thing. In the light of all the discussion about parent's roles in this matter, I feel that the respective parents (mainly them) as well as the rest of the family should have reacted more strongly to the issue. Of course, I dont want to take away from the fact that this issue has been addressed to the extent it has been and quite well at that. It is a refreshing change to see that Indian movies are willing to address such topics. I wish more mainstream cinema and the public in general address such issues more openly and protect their children from such offenders.

-- Radhika Iyengar

I agree [] about some of the 'wishful' thinking aspects of Monsoon Wedding, whether it was the groom coming to terms with his bride's pre-marital sex life or more significantly, the father standing up for his adopted daughter and family against his longtime friend, who had molested two generations of his family. When the father claimed he had responsibility to protect his family even from himself, its significance did not go unnoticed. I also found this to be the most powerful piece of the film. With so many people taking on role models from film, it's not surprising that film is a medium through which cultural norms are changed and shaped. I see Monsoon Wedding laying out a model of how people might act out differently, should they encounter a similar situation - that is, a chance to act with courage and with honor - and hopefully initiating a change in future behavior and setting a new cultural norm. Ahhh, but that might be wishful thinking, too! ;-)

-- Mala Nagarajan

Film description: An arranged marriage in India brings together far-flung relatives, tradition, modernity, irreverence, innocence and sexuality in a Punjabi family in contemporary Delhi.